Tag Archives: Grace

REPOST FROM “WISDOM DEFINED” by JEANNETTE JOHNIAN: The Mask, My Enemy & Grief My Idol

As a Pastors wife I found myself trying to be who I thought everyone wanted me to be. The more I tried the more epic the fail was. Consequently, I fell into a depression that without God’s divine intervention I would have landed in a mental institution. The criticism, isolation, superficial relationships got so overwhelming I found myself sick in body, soul and spirit. Some where along the journey I had placed a mask on, in an attempt to hide the pain. Unbeknownst to me, this MASK which was intended to protect me became my worse enemy. Grief became my idol and I ceased to allow the Presence of God to direct every aspect of my life. Suddenly, I found myself having mental conversations that sounded like this:

  • Why should I pray for those people? They don’t care about me or my family?
  • Why should I pray for those people? They don’t care about me or my family?
  • Why doesn’t anyone ever ask me, How are you?
  • Why doesn’t so and so, pick up the phone and call me?
  • I deserve to have (fill in the blank)
  • Why can’t I just say what I want like everyone else?
  • I am done, why should I sacrifice my time and energy for people who don’t care.

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The MASK led me to bondage! Then without warning a woman I had never seen, nor heard started to surface. The woman whose greatest joy was praying for souls, cooking meals, supporting her husband, loving her church, was gone. Unexpectedly, like Ebenezer Scrooge I was visited by the “ghost of Christmas past” standing in front of the mirror I looked at myself and said, “Lord, who is that?” I was lost, confused, tired and broken. Dreadfully afraid and absolutely desperate I uttered the dangerous prayer, “Lord, you alone can un-Mask  the ME in me.”

By God’s grace I started to undergo a divine radical cosmetic  surgery. I began to experience Jesus from a holistic perspective. Every area of my life began to be invaded with the Holy Spirit’s resurrecting power.  It is what the Bible calls dying to the old self; with Him, through Him and for Him.  One thing is certain this is a lifetime journey. Jesus desires for us to be healed, He knows we all have broken relationships and are broken within ourselves. The key to this healing is being filled with the Holy Spirit and seeking to dwell in His Presence.

We God’s creatures have an overwhelming need to be unmasked, the real (ME) is deeply buried in layers of self that can only be resurrected by the hand of the Almighty. I found freedom in the realization that my identity is in God alone and no longer seeking it in a role (pastor wife, professional career,etc). Un-Masked by the Jesus, I find myself willing to chose joy, mercy, peace and above all love for God and love for others.

JEANNETTE

LOOKING FROM AFAR or DRAWING CLOSER (THE HOLY SPIRIT and THE ALTERED LIFE)

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Before I began my ministry journey I was well on a personal voyage of self and faith. Growing up in a traditional middle-class family life was fairly predictable. But if I thought life was conventional then faith and religion was far more planned and unsurprising. Week after week I attended church knowing what to expect from any given Sunday worship experience. This was not to say my church was “dead” or boring; in fact that would be the farthest thing from the truth. The church of my childhood, and youth, was home to amazing families, weekly visitors, dynamic teachers, vibrant praise and worship and most of all a commitment to allow the Holy Spirit to move freely during the service. Still, despite this freestyle approach, week after week without any intentional planning Sunday more or less always felt the same. Consequently as the church marched on living in a steady expectation of what worked, felt and seemed right, I also found my spiritual appetite, more or less, mirroring the church. In a phrase, I became content to live spiritually predictable.

One Sunday morning, in the mid-90’s, a particular service forever changed the identity of my childhood church; and though there was no expectation for that service to unfold as it later did the events that followed led to many changed lives for years to come. For close to seven years, the Holy Spirit revolutionized the church from the pulpit to the pew and from the pew to the community; and what was once a place of worship with predictability became a center of praise, healing and ministry that knew few boundaries.  While lives were changed, marriages restored, people healed and ministries launched I still stayed on the sidelines and watched from afar, though remained faithfully present. With each life changing testimony I knew the people whose lives were changed. They were part of our spiritual family and the miraculous brought joy to us all.  Still, my joy for God’s gracious healing and outpouring never translated to my personal pursuit of such changes in my own life.

As the years have passed I have been able to reflect on those experiences and my unwillingness to personally encounter God’s outpouring. Once the Holy Spirit finished moving, as he did those seven years, I remained with many in my church. And while they had been set free, and delivered, from their trials I found myself beginning to wrestle with the personal issues of pride, rejection, insecurity and fear. I too wanted to be “set-free” but also remain at a distance. Why was I unwilling to upset my desire for spiritual predictability in favor of the supernatural unpredictability of God?

It came down to a simple truth: I was unwilling to change from the old comfortable “self” and embrace a new, rebuilt and redesigned man living in the new humanity of Jesus! When such a sobering reality set in I was shaken to the point where I even asked if I was really saved? Of course I knew, deep within, I had accepted and received Jesus’ gracious invitation but in my desire to maintain a spiritually predictable existence I had missed out on the intimate hunger for God’s supernatural to change my life. Not only had I witnessed the Holy Spirit but I did my best to avoid Him which resulted in my adoption of other-Biblical views on salvation, grace and mercy. Salvation, for me, became going to church, tithing, being the best moral person I could be, wearing a cross and identifying myself with fellow Christians. But when I began to wrestle with “self”, having avoided the Holy Spirit, I discovered that salvation, grace and mercy could only be understood with the Holy Spirit! So as I returned to the Bible, for my answers, it suddenly became very clear: THE MARK OF A SAVED LIFE IS THE ALTERED LIFE.

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One of the trademarks of God’s encounter, and visitation, is that He has altered you deep within. If you still hunger for the old life, or crave the old appetites it is illogical to talk about being born-again when you are still juggling yourself. This is not to say even the altered man will not face temptations however when we are born again the Spirit of God makes the alteration visible and livable in your ordinary of life. When we live life firmly rooted in His Holy Spirit we complete, through Him, the amazing adjustment that is the evidence we are truly a saved soul, redeemed person and transfigured life.

“Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.” (2 Cor. 5:17 MSG)

Grace and Peace

JOSHUA

WHO DO YOU REALLY BELONG TO?

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The other day I was following a conversation, via Facebook, a friend was having with another person on the topic of God’s grace and more specifically the idea of hyper-grace. Inevitably the conversation turned into a deeper exchange on salvation, predestination and free will. Ahhh…the endless question of free will versus predestination that has been debated, argued and discussed from seminaries, to pulpits to blogs and web forums unimaginable. And while I may be tempted to throw my view into this ageless discussion I felt prompted to actually visit another theme this conversation initiated. The theme? Ownership. Or perhaps better asked in the question of, Who do you really belong to?

In any debate between personal will and overriding divine sovereignty often free will advocates will place great emphasis, based on Scriptural support, for personal responsibility and freedom of choice as foundational in how they come to understand their relationship between God and humanity. Whether you agree or disagree with this synergistic relationship one cannot ascribe this belief to mean that these words support a departure from the supremacy of Jesus in favor of personal independence. Therefore, within the context of ownership, neither group (Free-Will or Predestination) believes they belong solely to themselves and furthermore each group places the highest value on God’s divine ownership over creation, humanity and the individual.

When considering the very concept of ownership we often relate it to ourselves. What type of car do you own? Or what items of great value do you possess in your home? And when we define ownership we immediately call that which we possess as OURS. But look at what St. Paul says to the Galatians, “The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. (Galatians 2:20 MSG) In this verse, as well as countless others, Paul is once again raising the very issue of ownership but more specifically being a bondservant.

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Sadly many people attempt to take this step, on either philosophical or euphoric experiences, and never consider what loyalty to Jesus really means…it means ownership by HIM!  Have we made that break with self? Are we still living and wearing the masks pious fraud? THE QUESTION THAT YOU MUST ANSWER IS: Will I give up? Will I surrender to Jesus and make no conditions no matter what the cost?

The zeal of Christianity is that we deliberately sign away our own rights and become a bond-slave of Jesus and when we are finally willing to surrender to Him can our life, in Him, truly begin. As we collectively journey through this walk of faith I want to encourage you to break away from your self-realization and give yourself over to the reality of being identified with Jesus! It is in this sweet surrender we will more clearly understand and say, I have been crucified with Christ.

Grace and Peace

JOSHUA

LIFE LIVED IN THE ATONING WORK OF JESUS!

jwesley“That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don’t give it the time of day. Don’t even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!—into God’s way of doing things. Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God. What Is True Freedom? So, since we’re out from under the old tyranny, does that mean we can live any old way we want? Since we’re free in the freedom of God, can we do anything that comes to mind? Hardly. You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom. Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it’s your last free act. But offer yourselves to the ways of God and the freedom never quits. All your lives you’ve let sin tell you what to do. But thank God you’ve started listening to a new master, one whose commands set you free to live openly in his freedom! I’m using this freedom language because it’s easy to picture. You can readily recall, can’t you, how at one time the more you did just what you felt like doing—not caring about others, not caring about God—the worse your life became and the less freedom you had? And how much different is it now as you live in God’s freedom, your lives healed and expansive in holiness? As long as you did what you felt like doing, ignoring God, you didn’t have to bother with right thinking or right living, or right anything for that matter. But do you call that a free life? What did you get out of it? Nothing you’re proud of now. Where did it get you? A dead end. But now that you’ve found you don’t have to listen to sin tell you what to do, and have discovered the delight of listening to God telling you, what a surprise! A whole, healed, put-together life right now, with more and more of life on the way! Work hard for sin your whole life and your pension is death. But God’s gift is real life, eternal life, delivered by Jesus, our Master.” (Romans 6:13–22 MSG)

Of all the preachers, theologians, scholars and Bible commentators I have read, sat under and studied I will always have a special place for John Wesley. Having studied his writings, sermons and life I have discovered few that have expressed the doctrine of sanctification and atonement with such clarity, grace and mercy as Rev. Wesley. While some may take issue with his doctrinal positions, it was Wesley that shaped much of how many approach ministry, people and their personal walk of faith. If you have never read Wesley then I will clue you in on a reoccurring theme that contradicts many of his Calvinist critics. Critics of Wesley often say he, in some way, advocated a position that encourages “self-salvation.” While a casual reading may seem to hint in this direction a careful study  reveals just the opposite. It was Wesley’s teachings on sanctification and atonement that clearly identified we cannot save or sanctify ourselves; we cannot atone for sin; we cannot redeem the world; we cannot make right what is wrong, pure what is impure or holy what is unholy. For Wesley, and many others, all of these great and majestic works can only be accomplished by a sovereign work of God.

But this raises an important question. Since I, or anybody else, are incapable of such atoning works how can we enjoy total faith in what Jesus has done? The answer can only be discovered in how we understand the atoning work of Jesus. Here too it must be understood the idea of atonement is not an exclusively Judeo-Christian concept; yet it is only through Jesus perfect atonement is experienced and lived completely. The challenge facing most believers is we seldom live life in the pattern of persistently realizing what Jesus’ atonement really is. Jesus’ work of sanctification, atonement and redemption is not an experience that is to be lived, one time, like a wedding or wonderful meal and then stored within the deep recess of our memories. Rather, life lived in the atoning work of Jesus is to be expressed daily in which we develop our faith on the great act of God’s redemption which He has performed through Jesus.

If we get caught in the trap of our faith built on experience then we risk developing an un-Biblical type of life where our attention is only fixed on the appearance of our witness and not the testimony of what Jesus is doing, in us, daily. Oswald Chambers warned, “Beware of the piety that has no presupposition in the Atonement of the Lord. It is of no use for anything but a sequestered life; it is useless to God and a nuisance to man. Measure every type of experience by our Lord Himself. We cannot do anything pleasing to God unless we deliberately build on the presupposition of the Atonement.”

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Wesley lived ministry every day and experienced life fully immersed in the daily atoning work of Jesus. Likewise, let us pursue Jesus with such hunger and obedience. As Christians we are also called to life the life of Jesus practically. The life that lives in and with the atonement of Jesus will be one lived in obedience to Him with the guarantee of His grace operating on our behalf. True obedience, with no strings attached, means that we have placed everything on the atoning work of Jesus and as Wesley said, let us say, “The best of all is, God is with us.”

Grace and Peace

JOSHUA

THE SACRED HOLY and HEROIC PT. 3: BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS and a ROAD TOWARD RECONCILIATION & RESTORATION

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Daily I share with you personal reflections, stories and accounts, of others, I have experienced or heard along life’s way. I use these brief stories as way of creating a relatable place where you and I can meet together on common ground. While I have shared stories from my childhood, marriage and even ministry I have purposely kept certain areas, of my life, private out of respect for others. But there comes a time when some of the private places, in our lives, can be revealed so as to help draw us toward the road of reconciliation and restoration in Jesus. CONFESSION: I have a broken relationship within my family. To remove the specter of speculation this relationship is not between my wife and me; but it is within my flesh and blood family. Earlier this week I had a long conversation with a close friend, and fellow pastor, whose ministry is exploding with rapid growth and salvations. An evangelist, by calling and in his heart, he also serves a needy community that lives in the shadows of one of the most spiritually dark places of our nation. As we were encouraging one another he too shared how division, within his family, has affected him. While his strained relationships are difficult to reconcile he also shared his ongoing trust, forgiveness, love and patience, for those in his family, and how the Holy Spirit is slowly leading them back on the road of reconciliation and restoration.

Do you have broken relationships? I’m sure my pastor/friend’s story, or mine for that matter, is not unique. The very thought of broken relationships led me to a passage of Scripture often quoted, in such times, but seldom practiced or applied correctly. “This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. (Matthew 5:23 MSG)  If when you come to the altar you remember your brother holds an offense you must ask the Holy Spirit, has the Spirit of God brought this offense to my attention? Or is this offense born from anger and personal hurt?”

“If you remember…” what can this fascinating statement mean? Does it imply we refer to a ledger of offense, tucked far away? Or could it mean the Holy Spirit is continuing to remind you of a breach, and necessity of reconciliation and restoration? If it is the former, than you need to be very cautious in your next action; because you may be motivated by a spirit of division and accusation (which is not born from the Spirit of God). If it is the later than you must respond and trust the Holy Spirit! Go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”  Never object to the intense, raw and amazing power of Spirit-birthed reconciliation. When the Holy Spirit is bearing down on you He is also cultivating you, in that trial, hurt and offense, as how you are to live a IN HIM!

First be reconciled to thy brother. Jesus’ direction is simple“first be reconciled. Go back the way you came, go the way indicated to you by the conviction given at the altar; have an attitude of mind and a temper of soul to the one who has something against you that makes reconciliation as natural as breathing. Jesus does not mention the other person, He says—you go. There is no question of your rights. The stamp of the saint is that he can waive his own rights and obey the Lord Jesus.” (Chambers)
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And then come and offer your gift. The progression is clearly marked. In the dangerously beautiful community of faith we see the heroic spirit of self-sacrifice, then the sacredness of being led by the Holy Spirit and finally His holiness, within the family of God, by way of obedience to His Word. Our gift, at the altar of the Lord, may be many things but perhaps the greatest gift we can lay before Him is the gift of reconciliation and restoration in our broken relationships.

It is my prayer for you, the reader, my friend (mentioned earlier) and in my own personal family we soon experience, by His grace and mercy, healing in our broken relationships. While I may not know when, and by what circumstances, the road of reconciliation and restoration will be travelled?  I know the commission of the sacred, holy and heroic community, IN HIM, is calling us to travel that road together. If we are truly IN HIM people then we will be spending eternity with these loved ones. I pray, before eternity, I will enjoy laying a gift of mended relationships before the feet of Jesus.

Grace and Peace

JOSHUA

THE GOAL OF THE CHRISTIAN: DO HIS WILL

Jesus-Daughters-of1THE GOAL OF THE CHRISTIAN: DO HIS WILL

In my many years of ministry one question seems to come up time and time again. “What is the will of God for my life?” I have asked the question countless times, and in a variety of different ways, but the seemingly complex question possess a simple answer we are seldom satisfied with. The straightforward answer, to the previously asked question, is DO HIS WILL.  Admittedly, this is easy to say, hard to do and even harder to comprehend; but why? In our natural life personal ambitions and desires change as we mature; but in the born again experience the goal, of the Christlike life, remains the same from the beginning until the end….DO HIS WILL! “We start with Jesus and we end with Him—“until we all attain to the stature of the manhood of Christ Jesus,” not to our idea of what the Christian life should be.” (Chambers) The aim of the Christian is to do God’s will, not to be useful, not even win the lost, though we will be useful and we will help the lost, but that is not the aim of the Christian. Our aim is to do the will of the Father.

During Jesus’ earthly ministry the city of Jerusalem was the place where He reached the climax of His Father’s will. It was in Jerusalem He preached His final bold messages on the Kingdom, performed miracles and, upon the Cross, reconciled the entirety of creation to the Father. Nothing ever discouraged Jesus on His way to Jerusalem. Jesus never rushed through villages where He was persecuted, or lingered in others where He was welcomed. Gratitude nor ingratitude never dictated His purpose to finish His ministry, in Jerusalem, and all the way He asked his disciples to continue with Him to the very end.

“The disciple is not above his Master.” In our journey the same things, that happened to Jesus, will take place to us as we continue toward our “Jerusalem.” There will be works of God manifested through us, people will be blessed, and one or two may show gratitude while the rest will show ingratitude. But nothing must deter us from continuing toward our Jerusalem.

“There they crucified Him.” We have all read the accounts of the Gospels and know, through His sacrifice, He became the gateway to our reconciliation and restoration (Salvation). We are called to take up “our cross” and follow Him; and while we may not end, our journey, by way of crucifixion (by the Lord’s grace) we will live our purpose, in His will, as we journey toward our “Jerusalem.”

“God has made it a rule for Himself that He won’t alter people’s character by force. He can and will alter them- but only if the people will let Him. He would rather have a world of free beings, with all its risks, than a world of people who did right as machines because they couldn’t do anything else. The more we succeed in imaging what a world of perfect automatic beings would be like, I think, we shall see His wisdom.” [1]

Grace and Peace

JOSHUA



[1] CS Lewis, God in the Dock (New York: Harper Collins, 1999) 152-153.

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